He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize