the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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