I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she looked like the before picture.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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