if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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