my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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