I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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