Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize