It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize