do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
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there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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