I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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