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also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
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