I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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