smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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