i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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