Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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