good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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