Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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