My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize