1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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