if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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