Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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