Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you would pick up someone in the library
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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