i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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