Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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