Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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