Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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