It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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