I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize