i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
a search helicopter?!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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