And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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