Sponge bath it is.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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