I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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