Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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