im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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