I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize