ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize