I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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