My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize