ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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