you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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