it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize