Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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