Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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