I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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