ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize