I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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