note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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