My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You can't motorboat a personality
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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