Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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