i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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