She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize