Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YAS. BRING CRAB.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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