You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
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There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
FUCK WHALES
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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